Morning Shower

A Small Tale from a couple of years ago: I hope it gives you a chuckle…..

Wake up.

Dark outside, but first signs of dawn.

Why get up now?

Snuggle down into cozy blankets.

Sound of dogs rattling around overhead….

Deduce that dogs are awake and Alba is dragging Henry around the naya by his collar.

*Sigh*

A lie-in would be nice….

Swing legs out of bed to get up.

One slipper….

Alba and her unholy interest in all things foot-related….

*Deep Sigh*

Scrabble around in the dark for alternative footwear.

Slide bare feet into cold wellies.

Go upstairs. Thick mist. Let out dogs. Locate missing slipper buried in cushions at back of ‘dog sofa’.

Try to grab armload of logs while two dogs weaving between legs like Morris dancing team

Dump logs by hearth, and repeat process for kindling and newspaper.

Put on kettle. Time to fill the teapot.

Back to fire. Clear the ashes from last night’s fire from where it was ‘damped down’ last thing.

Ashes glowing nicely. Screw up newspaper, pop on fire. Add kindling and small log. Blow hard.

Fire springs to life almost immediately.

Lovely!

Kettle is singing.

Dogs….

Dogs?

Dogs vanished into darkness….

Hope they are in garden and not making their own arrangements to go up mountain by themselves.

Teapot.

Ahhhhh….

Dogs reappear, soaking wet, filthy, and demanding to be dried off. Towel down Henry while Alba shakes vigorously over settee, white painted walls and rug.

Dogs settle into baskets after brief argument over possession of basket closest to fire.

Check e-mails.

Drink tea.

Check Facebook.

Drink tea.

Quite light outside now but still a thick mist.

Drink more tea.

Sunlight starts to break through mist. Lovely blue sky above.

Time for a bath and to get dressed.

Shower/tap fitting jammed and only shower will run. Try to pin shower-head into bath with large bottle of shampoo and leave shower-head filling bath.

Go to make porridge.

Wake up McNab and lift him from his basket to take him outside. All but blind and deaf with age, and three-legged since a pup. He needs extra help.

Pass bathroom to realise shower-head has escaped bondage and is now whipping around like rabid snake spraying water everywhere.

Note water flooding over bathroom floor.

Make extra note of flooded, and now cold and wet, slippers.

Make note of Alba’s paw prints all over ground floor of house as she makes use of fantastic new paddling facility.

Drop giant towel onto flood and try to enter bathroom without having dressing gown attacked by flying shower-head.

Alba prances into bathroom to help….

Alba reverses from bathroom at speed as attacked by frenzied shower-head.

Strip off.

March naked into bathroom. Grab shower-head. Tap-fitting now magically works correctly and tap continues to fill bath in orderly fashion.

McNab!

Exit at high speed to find McNab.

No sign of McNab on terrace area….

…..Two acres of tangled Spanish orange terraces to search….

Follow line of least resistance: central steps leading down through garden from house to lower gate.

Retrieve McNab from bottom of garden where he has made pilgrimage down approx one hundred steps and nine ranks of terraces.

Return McNab to basket.

Ahh…. nice warm bath!